Broecker Family

Archive for October, 2012

Older Women Drivers

A mature woman gets pulled over for speeding..

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
WomanLost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.. 
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not? 
Woman: I stole this car.
: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what? 
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and

calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car


A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn


Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this


and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner? 
Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk,revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a

driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2:Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t

have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and

hacked up the owner.
Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Don’t Mess With Mature Ladies

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Five Rules For Men

Five Rules For Men
Five Rules For Men To Follow To a Happy Life:
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, 
who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you 
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust 
and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed 
and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women 
do not know each other.*
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November Dinner

Dinner group.


Seems like we were just together but our November 8th dinner is not too far away.  Soooooo.


WHERE:             Guaca Mole

LOCATION:        9921 Ormsby Station Road (BEHIND THE MC DONALDS)

DATE:                 Thursday, Nov 8th

TIME:                   6pm


If you have not been there this is a Mexican Restaurant that does not serve Tacos, Burritos, Chimychungas(sp), etc.  This is upscale Mexican.


PLEASE let me know if you are attending so that the restaurant can save enough room.  This place is not that big.  I will call in the reservations on Monday, Nov 5th.  After that you are on your own.

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Copper Wire Discovered


After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of New York City, New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.


Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles, California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Oceanside. Shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: “California archaeologists report a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.”


One week later, a local newspaper in Russell Springs, KY reported the following: “After digging down about 30 feet deep in his pasture near the community of Eli, Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Kentucky had already gone wireless”.


Just makes a person proud to be from Kentucky.




(Only a Kentuckian is proud enough to share this news!)

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If my body was a car!

If My Body Was a Car!

This is just too funny –
scary how true it is!!!

If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it
in for a newer model. I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish
and my paint job is getting a little dull…

But that’s not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus and it’s especially hard
to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and
bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns

But here’s the worst of it,

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter,
either my radiator leaks or My Exhaust Backfires!

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October Dinner at River Bend

OK Gang,


Here are those that have said YES to dinner at River Bend









Anyone else?  I’ll call in the reservations Monday about noon.

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Head Count for Dinner

OK,  here are those that are attending so far.



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Something to Think About

Who knew ?

============ ========= ========= =====
For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: G
et warm water and put Dawn dish washing liquid in it.  Pour it all over the steps. They won’t
refreeze.  (Wish I had known this for the last 40 years!).
============ ========= ========= =====

To remove old wax from a glass candle holder, put it in the freezer for a few hours.  Then take the candle holder out and turn it upside down.  The wax will fall out.

============ ========= ========= =====
Crayon marks on walls?
 This worked wonderfully!  A damp rag, dipped in baking soda.  Comes off with little effort (elbow grease that is!).
============ ========= ========= =====

Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops
(like store receipt
BLUE!) rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
============ ========= ========= =====

Whenever I purchase a box of S.O.S Pads
, I immediately take a pair of scissors and cut each pad into halves.  After years of having to throw
away rusted and unused and smelly pads, I finally decided that this would be much more economical.  Now a box of S.O.S pads last me indefinitely!  In fact, I have noticed that the scissors get ‘sharpened” this way!

============ ========= ========= =====
Blood stains on clothes?
 Not to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen
peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. Works
every time! (Now, where to put the body???) LOL
============ ========= ========= =====

Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows.
 This way you can tell which side has the streaks.  Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean.  Don’t wash windows on a sunny day.  They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.
============ ========= ========= =====
Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb
in any room to create a lovely a light scent in each room when the light is turned on.
============ ========= ========= =====

Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers
and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come.  You can also do this with towels and linen.
============ ========= ========= =====

Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer
for at least 3
hours prior to burning.
============ ========= ========= =====
To clean artificial flowers,
pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers.  Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt
and leave your artificial flowers looking like new! Works like a charm!
============ ========= ========= =====

To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet
, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to aboil on stove top.
============ ========= ========= =====

Spray your TUPPERWARE with nonstick cooking spray
before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won’t be any stains.  I do this all the time and it works great!!
============ ========= ========= =====
Wrap celery in aluminum foil
when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
============ ========= ========= =====

When boiling corn on the cob,
add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn’s natural sweetness.
============ ========= ========= =====

Cure for headaches:
Take a lime, cut it in half, and rub it on your
forehead.  The throbbing will go away.  (I prefer to soak the lime in
Gin and rub it on my tongue first) (not sure who put the statement in red here) AMEN!!!!
============ ========= ========= =====
Don’t throw out all that leftover wine:
Freeze into ice cubes for future
use in casseroles and sauces…Left over wine?  What’s that? 🙂
============ ========= ========= =====

To get rid of itch from mosquito bites,
try applying soap on the area
and you will experience instant relief.
============ ========= ========= =====
Ants, ants, ants everywhere.  
Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line.  So, get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march.  See for yourself.
============ ========= ========= =====
Use air-freshener to clean mirrors.
 It does a good job and better still,
leaves a lovely smell to the shine.
============ ========= ========= =====
When you get a splinter,
reach for the scotch tape before resorting to
tweezers or a needle.  Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, and
then pull it off.  Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.  True!
============ ========= ========= =====
Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer…
Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush.
============ ========= ========= =====
Clean a vase.
 To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water, and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.
============ ========= ========= =====

Polish jewelry.
 Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and
immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
============ ========= ========= =====
Clean a thermos bottle..
Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka
Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (Or longer, if necessary).
============ ========= ========= =====

Unclog a drain.
 Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer
tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar.
Wait a few minutes, and then run the hot water.
============ ========= ========= =====
Do your friends a favor.
 Pass this timely (and some not-so-timely)
information on to a friend! I know I just did.

Makes you wonder about ingesting Alka Seltzer, doesn’t it?

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Elder Humor

An elderly couplehad dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.’

The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’

The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘Whats the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that’s red and has thorns.’

‘Do you mean a rose?’

‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’


Hospital regulationsrequire a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’


A senior citizensaid to his eighty-year old buddy:

‘So I hear you’re getting married?’


‘Do I know her?’


‘This woman, is she good looking?’

‘Not really.’

‘Is she a good cook?’

‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’

‘Does she have lots of money?’

‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’

‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’

‘Because she can still drive!’


A manwas telling his neighbour, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.’

‘Really,’ answered the neighbour. ‘What kind is it?’

‘Twelve thirty.’


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’

Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”

The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’

One more. . .!

A little old manshuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’

‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

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Husband Down

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.

“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans” he replies.

“Put them back, we can’t afford them” demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.

“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.”

That’s him in Aisle 5 – he never knew what hit him…

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